It’s not always easy to brush it off.
I’ve tried to write this post twice. It’s not that I don’t like what I’ve written, I just know that I can do better. I want to write the post that this topic deserves, as it seems more important than ever to be able to forgive others, even if we don’t agree with them, especially if we don’t agree with them.
Forgiveness is a loaded topic, one that I’ve been attracted to for some time. I love the idea of forgiving someone as a way of letting them go. There will be moments in your life when someone will slight you, or do something to you that you didn’t care for. Someone ceases communication with us for a reason we can’t figure out, or someone makes a comment that hurts us. It hurts even more when the person is someone you care about, someone you trusted not to injure you in any way.
The deeper the cut, the harder it is to let go, but we must learn to let go. To hold that negative energy in our hearts and minds is something that holds us back. Don’t think of it as being the bigger person, or as having to clean up someone else’s mess, think of it as not letting a moment run your life. Don’t let it have an effect on how you think, on how you make decisions, or you’ll find that you’ve built yourself a life based on what someone else did to you, and rather than getting passed it, you’ve based your path on it when you should have been walking your own.
We may not even realize what we’re about to do, or what we’ve just done. People do things without considering how others will take it, and while sometimes we’re able to stop and think, to catch ourselves before we say or write something and reword it, sometimes these things come right out. They leave us and venture out into the world, unable to be rescinded, and we are forced to live with the consequences of our actions or words, as are others. Oh, how we wish we could take it back.
We’d love to believe that by forgiving, or being forgiven, that damaged bonds will be repaired, and that life will go back to the way it was before. We want to believe that our relationship with the person in question, that it will be the same, but it’s not always that easy. Maybe someone has shown us their true colors, or maybe what was said or done has brought something to light, and we realize that there may not be any way to truly mend a situation. There may not be a way to go back once you’ve seen what you’ve seen.
Sometimes we’re able to forgive someone, but we’re not able to forget. You can always offer someone a second chance, but maybe there’s been one too many chances offered, and you simply have to say to the other person, “I can’t let you come back in.” It can be a painful thing to say to someone, but sometimes it absolutely needs to be said. If there isn’t a significant change, then chances are, you’ll just get hurt again.
Sometimes forgiveness can change someone and their behavior, or maybe they go back to being the exact same person they were before. People go at the their own speeds, and live their own lives. You can forgive them, but rarely can you change who they are. That change needs to come from within, and it may hurt to let people go, but it’s what we must do. Part of life is wisening up to the fact that some people just won’t be with us for our entire journey. All you can do is wish them the best.
Forgiveness comes in many forms. Sometimes a person does something to you, someone who is farther ahead of you in some way. One day, you may rise to their level or even surpass it. Your mental health may have vastly improved since that time. Perspective is a powerful thing. You may realize that that person didn’t mean what they did, or you may realize that it’s better to walk away, and to leave them be. Rather than trying to lord your status over them, you lose interest in the idea altogether, and maybe you even look upon them with friendlier eyes. You could seek revenge, to turn around and hurt the person who hurt you, but you’ve realized that there’s a better alternative.
It’s not always easy to maintain a forgiving mindset. I know that I have been far from perfect as a person, and while I try not to hold onto my past, I also know that it makes me compassionate and empathetic towards others. I do my best to forgive, although I have plenty of work to do on that front. I’m learning to let go of the negative energy that can hold me back, and that has held me back. I know that I don’t want to keep it with me. It serves no purpose. Don’t give others the power to control your life.
Take as much time as you need to process things. You’re allowed to hurt, and to have a reaction. Know that once it’s all faded, once there’s a little bit less anger, that it’s time to do everything in your power to let it go. Our time on this earth is short, and we shouldn’t spend any of our time trying to get revenge. Spite is not part of a well-balanced breakfast.
Every day is an opportunity to forgive. We can forgive others, and maybe we’ll be forgiven for what we’ve done. Maybe we won’t, but at the very least you can give it a shot, ask for forgiveness, take it when it’s given to you, and accept that some people just won’t be where you are. It’s the year of being self-aware, of being open and honest, of not bringing the negative energy of today into tomorrow and beyond. It takes strength and practice. It can take patience and compassion, but you will get there if you work at it. Thanks for reading.