Advice

Sometimes, all we need is a piece.

Decisions in our lives are a constant, but some are big enough to make you doubt yourself, to make you pause, and wonder if you’re capable of making the choice on your own. We might want to consult someone else. We want to make sure we consider the decision from all angles, and make sure that nothing has been overlooked. It’s tempting to jump right in when something seems perfect, and I’m as guilty of this as anyone. Sometimes, it has paid off, and I’ve been happy with my snap decision. In other moments, I’ve regretted my impetuousness. The good thing about life is that you never stop getting opportunities to make new decisions, to get some practice, to learn, and to be better prepared for the next time. There will always be a next time.

If we do seek the advice of someone else, hopefully there’s a close friend or two that’s easily reachable. It’s an amazing thing to have people in your life that you’ve known forever. In a time of need, these friends can provide us with some needed advice. Sometimes, we’re in too deep, and we just can’t see the situation objectively. We get caught up, and we don’t see things through an impartial lens. Friends can be biased, but hopefully, when called upon, they can look at our scenario in an unbiased way, and give us advice based on what we want and who we are. Hopefully that advice comes from a place of love. Our friends should want the best for us, the way we want the best for them.

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You can learn a lot about a person from a quick conversation. You can learn how they spend their days, what their job is like, and what their aspirations are. You can find out what’s working in their lives, and more importantly, what isn’t working. When things aren’t going well, people may come to you for help. They’ll come to you in hopes that you can inject some much needed clarity, that you can provide a new and fresh perspective. Hopefully you’re able to do just that, while admitting to yourself that no one person can see every angle, nor can they anticipate all of the ripple effects of a given decision.

Giving advice can be frustrating. Sometimes, we reach deep within ourselves, consider something from all sides, and offer what we think is the best possible solution. Sometimes, the person who asked for it likes what they hear and they abide by it, but there’s a chance that the advice will fall on deaf ears. Sometimes, people ask for advice having already made the decision, and they’re hoping that you’ll confirm it.

People may have the best of intentions, but they can’t easily change who they are. Maybe they wanted to steer clear of a certain situation, but when push came to shove, their natural instincts kicked in. It’s easy to make a choice in a vacuum, but when faced with the actual situation, it can be challenging to make a decision and stick with it.

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It can be tempting to ask others for help, but we also need to get comfortable making decisions for ourselves. We know our situation and our needs better than anyone, even if our emotions distort the picture just a bit. More importantly, we know what we want, well, most of the time.

I don’t always know what I want. Sometimes I feel like either option, either choice has its merits, that either one makes sense. Sometimes I think about something for too long, and I’m just looking for someone else to come in and make the choice for me. It’s a frustrating place to be. I’ve also felt like no matter what decision I make, that I’ll lose either way, and the question becomes, “Which option will hurt less?” Sometimes you have to sit with a decision until you’re more comfortable and ready to make it. It still might hurt, but you’ll feel better having done something, anything, rather than nothing at all. I spent much of my life mired in indecision, and often the ramifications I’ve been dreading aren’t as bad as I’ve made them out to be.

Sometimes you ask others for advice, but you don’t listen to it or act on it. Be as respectful as you can in these cases because at the very least, someone cared enough to be interested in your plight, and in the moment that you asked for their opinion, they gave it to you. You might not like what they had to say, and that’s perfectly fine. Don’t burn the bridge with someone you may want to ask for advice later on. Don’t disrespect someone you consider a close friend, someone who you’ve known for years, someone who’s always been kind and courteous to you. When you get older, you realize how few people truly know you, all of you.

Sometimes, you don’t need all the advice you’re given, but you take a piece. Something, some line, stands out to you. Something clicks within you, and you realize exactly what it is that you have to do. Having the right people in your life rewards you over and over again. Choose friends who you admire, who add something to your life that you don’t already have, who are further along than you in some way. It’s the same reason you go for a run with someone who’s faster. We all need something to shoot for. We need an example, someone who’s come before, even if we’re original individuals. It’s comforting to know that someone has already cleared the path.

We need to be comfortable in trusting our own judgment, but when the decision in question is daunting, it never hurts to have a second opinion. Be respectful when others offer it, and listen intently, even if you have no plans to take the advice. Trust yourself early and often. Have conviction. Know that it’s okay to take pieces of advice, the parts you find useful or applicable, and to leave the rest behind. We’re all just doing the best that we can. Thanks for reading.

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