And sometimes, you get so much more than you ever thought possible.
I knew that at some point, I’d have to sit down and write about 2018. It’s a way to get everything out, to think back on the year that was, collect myself, and then move on. In many ways, a year is a nice, clean measurement of time. It takes you through all of the seasons before starting up again, and if you didn’t make the changes in your life that you wanted to, you can always start again. The hope is that each year you make an improvement or two, not just one for that year, but for the rest of your life.
One of my resolutions for 2019 is simply to continue the journey I’m on. I’ve already written about last year’s goal, so I won’t discuss meditation too much here. I won’t get into detail, but I will say that I wouldn’t have survived this past year without it. It keeps me going, it keeps me sane, and it puts me in a better headspace than I’ve been in in quite some time. In a world that only gets more insane, it’s provided me with moments of calm and peace throughout the day. May all our resolutions be this impactful and meaningful.
My goal is to continue on that path, and also to read more, write less, and try to cut out as much social media as I can. I’m already calling my shot for Lent, and it’s to give up Instagram. I know I spend too much time on, and I’m looking forward to the break. Any time I find myself drifting towards something and using it too much, I like to take some time away. When I return, I’ve found that my relationship is often much healthier than it was before.
During the time I spend away, I also rethink so many of my habits, and whether or not they’re healthy. That kind of auditing is something we all need, whether we want to do it or not. It’s good to analyze our own personal motivations and reasons for doing things, and to make sure that we’re not just doing things because this is what we’ve always done. It’s okay to let some habits and traditions go by the wayside.
Another goal is to continue workings towards mental freedom. There are so many things that demand our attention, that pull us in all sorts of directions. Our emotional wellbeing can turn on a dime, depending on so many factors we can’t control, and the best thing you can do for yourself is start to let go, and to realize that so many of these things don’t have nearly the impact on our lives that we think they do. So very often, we’ll find ourselves much healthier if we learn to just focus on the things we actually can control, and we do our best to not hold on to everything that calls our attention to it.
I’m also resolving to take better care of myself. I’m in good shape for the most part, but I also know that I push myself hard, even when I’m not feeling my best, whether it’s physically or mentally. It’s okay to take some time to heal, to have days of rest, and I need to make sure that I remember that for this coming year.
This was the year I didn’t see coming. It was the year I moved into a place that’s perfect, or perfect for me. I get to live alone, and my apartment has been a place of solace, a quiet place to come home to that I’ve always wanted. I’ve had several friends stay with me, and while my last roommate was never restrictive when it came to guests, I never want to strain my personal relationships, especially with the person I share an apartment with. It’s pretty amazing to simply say to a friend, “You can stay with me,” without worrying about how anyone else feels about it. It’s something I’ve always wanted to be able to offer, and I hope to have more visitors in 2019.
It’s the year when I realized I wasn’t as introverted as I thought I was. I’m still uneasy in public gatherings at times, but that uneasiness is fading, and I’m finding myself more confident when I’m out among people. I’m learning to see large groups of people for what they really are: large groups of individual people, people who might be just as uncomfortable as I used to be. If that’s the case, then I hope that I can offer a friendly face, and that I can be someone people can talk to and feel comfortable around. I still remember who I used to be.
This was the year when I realized just how ridiculously blessed I am. I’ve had this realization before, and while I’m grateful for the big things that have happened, I’ve been focusing on the little things that happen in my everyday life. I’ve been moved by kindness, so very moved, and despite the fact that my life has been anything but normal, I’m still so very lucky to have so many people in my life who love me, and who I love in return. This is the year of loving others, of letting them know just how much you appreciate them and all that they do. It’s also the year for loving others, even if they can’t do anything for you.
And finally, this is the year I became an uncle. It’s been such an honor to assume this role, and while I’m unsure of whether or not I’ll actually have children, it’s lovely to play a part of someone just starting out in the world. The future is so bright.
As I approach 100 posts, I’ve stopped to think about what I thought would happen when I started this blog. I don’t really know. It was started with somewhat serious intentions, but there was no plan in mind for what would happen after that. Somehow, I’m still going, and I’ve been working on it almost every week since April of 2017 (I think that’s the date). It’s been an honor to write it, and to have people read it. I’m truly thankful for every single person who takes the time to read my posts. Thank y’all so much, and I’ll see you in the new year.